29 September, 2008

I'm Back!!

Well, life is insane.

They always say that life is what happens when you're making other plans, and I've never been more sure that that's true. Work is insane. I'm crazy busy. My personal life is nutty, but good, so one makes me able to cope with the other, but today, I just kind of hit the breaking point, so after updating per M's request, I'm going to take a nice long bubble bath with a glass of wine and a good book...but let's get to the update, shall we?

I went to visit the grandparents this weekend. Only Friday night and Saturday morning though, so it was doable. Spent the requisite amount of time apologizing for the fact that since I was no longer in a relationship, it meant they wouldn't be great-grandparents anytime soon. (Yeah, that was fun!) Then spent the rest of the time meeting all their neighbors at the new place. They're living in a senior-citizens' center, that appears to be nothing so much as college dorm life for the over 75 set. None of the family could figure out why they wanted to move into the place so badly, but after visiting, I think I can kind of see. The place is really pretty, the staff is friendly and knows everyone by name, they're surrounded by all their old friends, there are constant (and i mean constant) activities happening, sometimes five or six per day, they have world-class chefs who prepare all the food, and people come in to clean the place once a day. It's like college dorm life in a swanky hotel! Oh, and did I mention that my grandparents, both in their mid-80s, are pretty much the youngest people in the place? It's true!! I was introduced to at least 15 people over 100!

After leaving the grandparents, I went to Innisbrooke Resort to meet up with B, who I hadn't seen in about two years (way, WAY too long!). His brother had gotten us a kick-ass rate on a 2BR 2BA place with a great view of the golf course, and we spent the rest of the weekend going to the beach, the pool (shaped like the Loch Ness monster, FYI), getting amazing food and drinks, and generally having a good time. It was non-stop conversation (as it always is with us, after all!) and amazing to catch up with one of my favorite people from Butler. We did have a moment (several really, but I'll only relate one for now...) of complete and utter hilarity. Perhaps it was the fact that we'd had several blue drinks at the pool during the day, or maybe it was just really funny, but we couldn't stop laughing. We went to Packard's, the local steakhouse, for dinner last night, and as we got out of B's rental car, we realized that the lights weren't going off. Now B's car has automatic lights, mine does not, and neither of us had a clue what kind the rental car had, so we just stood there for awhile. Finally, it was clear that they were not automatic, so B ran back to turn them off. While he did that, I started talking to one of the waiters, who was holding the door open for us. I laughed as I watched B running back to the car, sure that as soon as he got there, the lights would go off again. I explained the situation to waiter guy, let's call him Roger, and he started laughing too. Then, the odd thing happened. Roger said to me, and I quote: "Well, you should have just let it go and let the car battery die. I mean, he probably doesn't let you drive all that often, so you should just take advantage of the situation!"

Um, huh? Come again?

There are several things wrong with that sentence. Start with the fact that B and I aren't together, so there's strike one, but I don't really blame the guy for thinking that, extremely natural assumption given the situation, and how clearly comfortable we are with each other, so that's fine, not an issue. But strike two is that he assumed that B wouldn't let me drive....do I look like a bad driver? Is there something about me that screams "Irresponsible citizen," or does he just assume that all women are bad drivers? On top of that, "let" really? Really? In this day and age, do you really think that there are 20something men who don't LET their 20something wives drive? I mean, okay, sure, maybe in some places, but not here, and certainly not me!! Do I look like the kind of shrinking violet of a woman who would take that?? And finally, strike three, I said it was a rental car. If we're driving a rental car, does he assume that we both have one? How does it help me to be able to drive if our one car dies? The logic fairies did not come to bless this kid as a baby.

Of course B picks this moment to return, before I could say something snarky to Roger, and at any rate, it provided some great conversational fodder (like we needed more, but still...) and B and I laughed about that one all night long. It was an amazing dinner, and a great evening all in all, so I highly recommend Innisbrook to anyone looking for a getaway in Central Florida. It's a great place and we were treated like VIPs the whole time. Food was incredible, amenities were good, staff was amazing...and good times were had by all!

Okay, that's it for now, I just ordered food from Franco & Vinnies down the street, an amazing little Italian Pizzaria, and it's calling my name. I'm determined to extend the weekend's relaxation just a smidge. Hasta pronto friends!

21 September, 2008


Okay kids, looks like with my ever crazy, hectic, INSANE schedule, I'm going to be incommunicado for the next little while. So, since I've been a bit of a downer lately, and since I tend, on the whole, to be somewhat cynical (I expect plenty of "Gasp! What? You, C? Never!!" comments!), I thought I'd share a good story before heading to bed tonight...

A and I always bitch about bad parents, but we rarely comment on good ones (you know it's true!), but earlier this week I was at the pool, taking a little bit of much needed C-time. The pool was fairly deserted, and I was sitting on the edge, reading a book. Two little girls were playing on the other side of the pool, and slowly began to migrate my way. They weren't overly loud or obnoxious, they were just being kids, but they seemed to have no concept of the people around them (Remember when you were little and absolutely certain that the world revolved around you? Ah, the good old days...) When they got to my side of the pool, they were practicing their swimming, kicking, etc, and wound up splashing me, getting me and my book totally soaked. I just spluttered for a moment, and debated yelling at them, but was just too tired to deal with it, and their mother was calling them anyhow, so I got out of the water and went to sit on my lounge chair for a bit.

Next thing I know, I look up and the two little girls are standing there, looking chagrined. They actually apologized, very articulately, said how sorry they were that they'd gotten my book wet, and promised that if I wanted to get back in the water, they would be more careful and pay attention to the people around them.

I was stunned! I mean, their mother had taken immediate action, and not only did the girls actually apologize when their mother told them to, but they seemed to actually mean it! Then I was stunned that I was stunned...my mother, all my friends' mothers, would have done exactly the same thing when we were kids, so I shouldn't really be surprised when I see an example of good parenting, but I kind of am. How sad is that?? Though I suppose in the spirit of attempting to be less cynical, I should call it a glimmer of hope...maybe this is the beginning of a new trend? Hey, a girl can dream!

So, in my absence, folks should read through past posts and COMMENT (hint, hint gang...). I'll be back sometime next week, and hopefully full of more fun stories. Take care kids, have a great week!

20 September, 2008

General Musings...

Well kids, it's been a helluva week. I'm honestly beat...work has been crazy, and shows no signs of slowing down. I'm exhausted. I treated myself to a little mini-spa day this weekend, and God did I need it. Still, despite how cute my fingers and toes are, I'm down to the bone tired. And it's not like it hasn't been emotionally exhausting too...there's a lot of stuff going on in the world of CW5H2O, which is why I haven't really posted in a little while. I don't really know what to say. On the upside, I found a great little Cuban restaurant in town, so chalk one up for getting to know the neighborhood! It's been a long day, so I think I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine, and get in bed with a good book. Hope everyone's having a good weekend!

16 September, 2008

Here's the thing....

The markets are tanking. The American people don't really know what to do about it. The average American doesn't fully understand the stock market, other than that up is good, down is bad, and down 500 is really bad. But the stock market's cyclical, and time has proven that though it goes down, it eventually comes back up again, so I'm personally trying not to worry too much about it, but here's the thing. In this time of financial crisis for many Americans, are we really okay with our presidential candidates taking pot shots at each other? What happened to McCain's pledge not even two months ago that he wasn't going to run or support a dirty campaign? I'm sick to death of nasty attack adds from both sides. I'd give just about anything to see a presidential campaign that was about honest to God issues, that raised the level of debate in this country and didn't assume that the American people were stupid. Unfortunately, I don't think we're going to see that again for a very long time.

14 September, 2008

You know what's incredibly painful?

Dinner and a movie with a person who has the conversational skills and personality of a cardboard box.

You'd think that the movie would take some of the edge off. You'd be wrong.

10 September, 2008

Can you say overreaction? I knew you could....

So last night, I'm on my way to a BBQ at a friend's house, and I'm driving along the residential streets in Fort Lauderdale, ambling along at 25mph. Admittedly this is less a function of me being a good, lawful, speed-limit abiding citizen, and more of the fact that the houses in the area are really big and neat looking, but still, besides the point.

As I'm driving along, I see two police cars coming from the opposite direction. I don't think anything of it.

Then they pass me, then pull a SCREECHING u-turn and get behind me, both with lights flashing and sirens blazing. I pull over, shocked and confused, and roll down my window. "Yes Officer?" "License, registration and proof of insurance please?" I dig around through my glove compartment, find what he needs and pass it to him. "Is there a problem?" No response. I'm not quite sure what to do. Obviously I don't want to be angry and belligerent, but I'm seriously confused here. "I'll be right back." He turns around and walks back to his car. I'm starting to get a little worried. He and his friend confer for 10 minutes (Literally. I timed it as the neighbors started to come out of their houses and stare at me curiously.) and then he comes back to my car. I ask again: "Is there a problem here, sir?" He responds: "Yes, your front driver's side headlight is starting to burn out. I'm letting you off with a warning this time, but you need to get that fixed."

Stunned silence.

Finally: "Umm...I had no idea. Thank you, I will."

Officer leaves.

I drive on to my friend's house.

My front driver's side light was starting to burn out? And you thought that merited not one but TWO police cars making screeching u-turns on a residential street, and turning on both the lights and sirens? Really? REALLY????

Can you say overreaction much kids?

I knew you could....

08 September, 2008

Well, looks like it happened again...

It looks like Hurricane Ike is going to miss us (knock wood). Once again, all that prepping, freaking out and obsessively checking the National Hurricane Center was for nothing. Now I'm not complaining mind you, I just wish we had a better way to predict these things. Or I suppose I wish that hurricanes were more logical. Oh well...if wishes were horses, right? Anyhow, I'm sure we'll be getting drenched tomorrow, so I should get to bed...PTB know it's gonna take twice as long to get into work in the morning! G'night!

06 September, 2008

The White Trash Perfect Storm

Well, I just got back from yet another Target shopping spree. I can never manage to get out of there buying only what I walked in there intending to buy...

But that's not the story of this post.

The story of this post is that I encountered the quintessential white trash woman while shopping.

I first encountered her in housewares. She was in her mid-40s, totally fake 'n baked and bleached-blond hair with the darkest roots I've ever seen. I was momentarily blinded by the sheer number of blue sequins on the her plunging-neckline camisole top. Then, once I readjusted, I was horrified to find that she was falling out of the top as she bent over to check the price on the clearance margarita mix. The only thing holding her in was the hot pink bra, and even that was about to give way. As I moved to walk past her quickly and attempted to hold in the gales of laughter that threatened to erupt, I was stunned to find that she wasn't only falling out of her top, she was spilling over her skin-tight white jeans (perhaps she's "working" to put herself through plumber's school?). I quickly got away and texted A and S, my two favorite partners in mocking.

But the story's not over.

I kept running into her throughout the store! She was polishing the lipstick off her teeth in the glass doors of the frozen food section; she was trying on shoes in the shoe section (though I don't know what could possibly be wrong with her 5 inch white platform shoes); she was asking her boyfriend if he thought she should do her hair like Rhianna on the cover of her latest CD; and finally, she was in line ahead of me when I went to the registers to check out.

But oh my friends...the story's still not over.

In her shopping basket were: thong underwear, condoms, misc. other 'adult' products, monistat 7 and brillo pads. Can I get an "Ewwwwww...." from the crowd? That's just not a good combination.

When she and boyfriend (who was probably about the same age as she was, mid-40's, about 70lbs overweight, balding, and short...in other words, Joe Average) left, the check-out guy looked at me and visibly shuddered. We both started cracking up...I was just grateful that I wasn't the only one who'd A) noticed and B) been completely skeeved out!

05 September, 2008

Seriously, why are there no good movies out right now?

I'm really in the mood to get a group of people together and go see a movie this weekend. My problem is that there appear to be no good movies out right now! And I just don't understand it...most of the time I can find SOMETHING that I'm willing to see. I like a good action flick, I enjoy seeing stuff blow up as much as the next 20-something. I like a good chick flick. I love a good comedy. I love good drama. I don't think I'm too difficult to please. The only thing I really don't go see is horror. But honestly, I've perused the movies currently showing, and not only do none of them appear to be particularly good, I haven't even heard of most of them! And I watch a lot of TV!! A LOT of TV. So what's the deal? Looks like I'm going to be Pineapple Expressing it this weekend. I just can't really bring myself to get excited about another "drugs = humor" movie. Oh well, I'll let you know how it goes!

In Other News....

I was called a "Trollop" today! By a 75 year old man in a business suit standing outside and smoking a cigarette.

What did I do to him you might ask? Well, very simply, I smiled and said hello. Talk about scandalous! I'm sorry, I had to leave the kitchen to come to work. To do my job. Which, as a woman of the 2000's, I'm not only allowed, but encouraged to do.

(For those not in the know -- which has been a surprisingly large number based on my retelling of this anecdote to friends -- a "trollop" is a woman of ill repute. A lady of the night. In today's terms, a whore.)

So that's been my day, and now I've just finished watching the RNC. I feel offended and sad. How was yours?

03 September, 2008

Lines I wish I could use at work....

"Well argued, though I do hate you and everything you stand for.

Claudia Jean, you've only known me for four minutes! It usually takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.

I'm the Press Secretary Boo-Boo, I don't have that kind of time."

01 September, 2008

Bumper Stickers

I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love bumper stickers. I think they're hysterical, and I always read them in traffic. But I only like them on other people's cars. For myself, if I'm going to put something on my car, it had damn well better be a magnet, because I am not putting anything permanent on my car. But I was out running errands this weekend, and came across a guy who does not espouse the same philosophy. His car was simply covered in bumper stickers. And not just normal "My kid's an honor student at XYZ Middle School." No, this guy had it all.

"Jesus, save me from your followers."
"God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him."
"Be nice to America, or we'll bring democracy to your country."
"Just When You Think Life's a Bitch -- It Has Puppies."
"Chaos, Panic, Fear -- My Work Here is Done."
"What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?"

And those are just the ones I can remember! And while I was amused, I couldn't help thinking, How the hell is he going to get all those bumper stickers off of there? Will that hurt the resale value of his car? And finally -- Oh my God, I'm becoming my father. All in all, a very enlightening weekend!

Bored on a Rainy Holiday Weekend? Make a Mosiac!

Thanks to A for the link, it was fun exploring!

All you have to do is answer each of these twelve questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to do when you grow up?
10. Who/ what do you love most in life?
11. Choose one word that describes you?
12. What is your Flickr name?

For each question, enter the answer into the Flickr search bar. Choose one image from the first page of results and enter it into the Mosaic creator. Voila - your own mosaic!